I almost sucked.
This morning.
And nobody cares.
Telling someone that you ALMOST sucked is worse than telling someone about a dream you had.
Almost sucked stories are the all time worst stories. Why? BECAUSE NOTHING HAPPENS. You DIDN'T SUCK!!! And neither did most people that day.
Don't tell me about it. Nothing happened. And I certainly don't want to hear a story with the punchline of nothing happening. So go suck and tell me about it....I'll be all severed ears. What are severed ears? But if you avoid said sucking maybe you can go write it in your diary. Though even Dear Diary doesn't care.
(I once dreamed about almost sucking....I almost crashed into a vat of sucky pudding after said vat sprouted sucky wings. Or something. Thank god I swerved, huh?)
Don't get it?
Read This and This and This and This .
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